The Latest Police Tech to Bust People for Cannabis Looks Like an Otter Pop and Works Even Worse

Adam was allegedly kicked out of Eden for stealing “the fruit of knowledge” and prostitution appears in the Bible and is commonly referred to as the “world’s oldest profession”. So, clearly, “crime” by some standards has been a part of human nature from the jump. Here in the U.S., we have been recording our crime statistics since the Colonial Days of our founding fathers and despite the wave of negativity you’ll get on the evening news, the current day is really among the safest times to be alive in our nation’s history.

In the 1700s, 30 out of 100,000 people died by homicide.

That number was down to under 20 out of every 100,000 by the end of the 1800s and dropped again to under 10 in every 100,000 in the 1900s.

The violent crime rate ignited in the 1960s as America was shook from its Leave it to Beaver slumber, quadrupling between 1960 and 1990. Property crimes doubled in that same period but years of economic prosperity, increased funding for law enforcement, and many other factors doused the flames and the crime rate has steadily declined ever since.

Today, roughly 5 out of every 100,000 people will die by homicide in the U.S., and we celebrate that as a sign of our increased humanity. That’s still 2 or 3 people in every Division I contending college football stadium every weekend, and that is success to us? I digress…

Although violent crimes and property crimes are at historic lows in our country, those crimes still occur every day. Every successful rape or murder is a failed attempt by law enforcement to stop rapes and murders, right? Yet, here in America, our law enforcement has bigger fish to fry… potheads.

In a recent television interview, 2020 presidential candidate and senator from New Jersey Cory Booker raised some eyebrows by saying, “We have people that have criminal convictions for doing things that two of the last three presidents admitted to doing. And so, we have a justice system that is not equal justice under the law. We have people who can’t get jobs, can’t get business licenses because of nonviolent drug crimes. . . and especially at a time when we’re legalizing things like marijuana. In 2017, we had more marijuana possession arrests in our country than all other violent crimes combined. And so, I’m going to fight to end this.

A simple fact check reveals that, sadly, he is right. looked back at the past three years of available statistics from the FBI’s Uniform Crime Reporting database and found that cops from coast to coast made an estimated 518,617 arrests for violent crimes in 2017. In that same year (the most current year the public has access to) 599,282 arrests were made for simple, low-level cannabis possession. That amounts to roughly one arrest for a bag of weed every 52 seconds in this country – pathetic.

But cannabis laws are changing all the time these days, and almost always to the benefit of the plant. 11 states so far have taken the leap to allow any adult 21 years old and up to buy, possess, and consume cannabis purely for recreational purposes. There are still laws about public consumption but even those are going up in smoke by the day, as they should. So, what does that leave for lazy ass cops who would rather bust a harmless stoner than go prevent hundreds of thousands of rapes, murders, robberies, and other actual crimes? Unsuspecting motorists, that’s who.


Cops fucking with drivers is nothing new, it is sport to them. For decades, all a pig had to do was claim that they “smell marijuana” to disregard your lack of consent and shake you and your vehicle down. That form of the Highway Stop & Frisk has, rightfully, been all but abolished in most of America.

“But job harder now,” squeal the cops.

Another hiccup in their Pot Arrest Ponzi Scheme was the legalization of “hemp” on the federal level last December. While the Conservatives that backed the Farm Bill probably pictured hemp ropes and clothes and lotions for their extramarital affairs, they failed to make adequate provisions or protections for either the CBD molecule or the flowering “buds” of the hemp plant that can look suspiciously like actual cannabis nuggets.

That last bit is particularly rich since, technically, IT’S ALL THE SAME THING.

The 2018 Farm Bill defines legal “hemp” as any cannabis plant that contains no more than 0.3% THC once dried.

So 0.29% is hemp and is legal, but 0.31% is cannabis and could be highly illegal depending on where it is discovered… and oh boy, the cops started discovering it everywhere.

Even though hemp flowers will not get anyone “high” if smoked, plenty of people still smoke them either for their CBD content, the placebo they get from feeling like they are smoking real weed, or both. People in non-cannabis-friendly states, people like truck drivers or military who could get drug tested, and lots of other people are finding use for well-grown “hemp” buds.

So when cops in places like Texas and Ohio started busting more and more people with bags of what appeared to be illegal cannabis they praised their luck and started slapping on cuffs. Of course, A LOT of them (and their departments) got embarrassed when 3rd party analytical lab testing revealed the confiscated material to be legal hemp and all charges had to be dropped and apologies made. This led to decisions from way up the chain to simply STOP making ANY low-level cannabis arrests since the cops clearly could not tell the difference between cannabis and hemp.

This obviously wasn’t going to fly with cannabis-hating cops and so a solution had to be found and now, they say they’ve found it. If preliminary reports are accurate, though, the boys in blue are about to be embarrassed all over again.


This week we got news of a new roadside test kit – dubbed the 4-AP – specifically designed to sniff out actual cannabis since, apparently, drug cops and drug dogs are virtually obsolete now when it comes to cannabis.

The Virginia Dept. of Forensic Science just ordered over 16,000 4-AP test kits to the tune of over $95,000 in taxpayer dollars, or just over $6 per test.

So, for $6 they believe that they have a handheld test kit that can be administered by a half-trained cop that will accurately determine if a seized sample of plant matter is cannabis or hemp. How will this incredible piece of digital technology replicate what licensed testing labs spend millions of dollars acquiring and training their staff to use? Oh, no man, it’s not digital it’s an Otter Pop packet.

Cops in Virginia will still go first to ol’ faithful, the Duquenois-Levine field test that has been proven to be so incredibly inaccurate that it has detected THC in random samples of air (its own empty chamber). If/when this medieval level test indicates a potential crime, that is when the 4-AP will be deployed to leave no doubt.

You can watch their training video HERE, but basically they will insert a sample of the seized plant material into the liquid filled test chamber. If the liquid turns pink the perp is probably in the clear but if it turns blue the cops start getting giddy.

That might sound super simple to you, but honestly, it’s even dumber than that.

The 4-AP cannot determine accurate THC levels. (THROW IT AWAY THEN, IDIOTS)

Instead, it will turn the liquid inside blue if it determines that THC is more abundant in the sample than CBD (Drug Hemp, they call it LOL, nerds). That’s it. That’s their science, and it’s so stupid it should be painful for them.

So, if it turns blue they will ruin your night, if not your life, and send the sample to an actual lab for an actual test. If it turns pink, does that mean that it is legal “hemp”? Does it mean that the sample does not exceed the federally mandated limit of 0.3% THC? No, it can’t. All it means is that the CBD might be more abundant than the THC in the sample. There are plenty of strains out there balanced at like 10%/10% that absolutely break the law in plenty of places, but not in Virginia apparently.

Back to the drawing boards, fuckboys. Don’t pay any attention to that granny getting mugged over there, you’ve got dimebags to bust.

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